I
One day in the ’90s, standing in my kitchen, I suddenly prayed, “Lord, give me light!” The ‘reply’ came just as suddenly, “The light comes later.” This is an example of an inner or interior locution. Grokipedia:
Interior locution is a concept in Christian mysticism, particularly within Catholic theology, referring to a supernatural form of private revelation in which a divine message or communication is received directly in the intellect or soul, without audible words, external sounds, or sensory involvement. This inner “voice” or infusion of knowledge is distinct from exterior locutions, which may be heard aloud by others, and from visions, which involve imaginative or corporeal imagery; instead, it operates purely on a spiritual level, often providing guidance, reassurance, or enlightenment during prayer or spiritual trials.
The above definition is accurate. How do I know? I have read the great mystics (Juan de la Cruz, Teresa de Avila et al., and the best of the commentators Augustin Poulain and Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, to mention just two. An article of mine on Poulain here.)
I hasten to point out that while the experiencing of an inner locution cannot be doubted, at least while it is occurring, one reasonably can and perhaps ought to doubt the source of the experience. I petitioned the Lord for light (knowledge, enlightenment, understanding), and I ‘received’ an ‘answer.’ But from whom? From the Lord? Which lord? Lord Krishna? Lord Jesus Christ? That it was Jesus cannot be read off from the experience itself. Such a reading goes beyond the phenomenology of the experience. On another occasion, while in deep meditation, I ‘heard’ the locution, “I want to tear you apart.” Presumably that was not from Jesus Christ or any good denizen of the Unseen Order. But neither does it follow that it was from a demonic agent. The experience qua experience is neutral on the question whether there are any demonic agents. On a third occasion, during a solitary desert hike, pondering a certain course of action, the ‘message’ was: I am with you as I was ascending the trail to Miner’s Saddle in the Western Superstitions. As far as the phenomenology shows, that ‘message’ could have been from Christ or it could have been from a demon impersonating Christ or from the depths of my own psyche.
II
The above is preliminary to my title question. Spelled out, what I am asking myself is whether I should be praying for light (infused contemplation, verification of faith contents, objective certainty) or praying instead for a deepening of faith, and a strengthening of the will to go forward by faith, That I pray at all shows that I have some faith. (Can you imagine Richard Dawkins or Galen Strawson or Daniel Dennett or David Stove praying while they are or were healthy? When Stove got sick and near death, his stridently cocksure atheistic convictions began to totter.) Pondering this question, I imagined a conversation between me and God (What follows is of course not a report of an inner locution, but a made-up story.)
I pray, “Give me light, Lord!” The Lord replies:
Look man, I’ve given you enough light in the form of what you call glimpses, vouchsafings, peeks behind the veil, intimations of Elsewhere. I’ve given you enough light to go forward on. The human predicament is probationary and penal. You want it to be full of light. Part of the probation is to see if you can hold out in the dark. The light comes later! Plato saw the world for what it is: a speluncular chiaroscuro of light and dark, a shadowland in which substance is rarely descried but easily denied. So now the test is to live by faith. To quote one of your favorite philosophers, “There is light enough for those who wish to see and darkness enough for the contrary-minded.” (Pascal) Even men of far higher spiritual rank than you such as Augustine and Aquinas were permitted the visio mystica on rare occasions only. Monks in monasteries have spent long lives without experiencing infused contemplation. So settle down in the dark, listen, wait, and stop asking me for light.