{"id":8220,"date":"2014-01-03T16:29:54","date_gmt":"2014-01-03T16:29:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/maverickphilosopher.blog\/index.php\/2014\/01\/03\/a-question-about-marriage\/"},"modified":"2014-01-03T16:29:54","modified_gmt":"2014-01-03T16:29:54","slug":"a-question-about-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/maverickphilosopher.blog\/index.php\/2014\/01\/03\/a-question-about-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"A Question About Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
For many years now I have been an occasional reader of your blog, and I greatly appreciate your insight on many subjects, particularly your criticism of the Left. I am, I hate to admit, an aspiring academic who is taking on enormous debt to finish a Ph.D. in sociology of religion, and am immersed in the poisonous Higher Ed world of the SIXHIRB musical litany, but that is another story for another time.<\/span><\/div>\n
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My question concerns choosing a wife: Can the marriage between a non-religious person and a religious person be successful and a happy state of affairs? <\/strong><\/span><\/div>\n
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I am an incorrigible INFP, and I thought your logical precision and holistic perception as an INTP would aid my thinking process, which is mostly intuition\/feeling. You have been married quite awhile, and I respect that greatly. You say that your wife is religious, a practicing Catholic, and that you believe that to be a good thing. I agree, and thus I am in this dilemma.<\/span><\/div>\n
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My Romance Story: <\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
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I come from a devout Mexican Catholic family from Texas, with a very religiously devout mother who is never found without a rosary, and I consider myself 'religious' and Catholic, i.e. I go to Mass every Sunday, I pray, I believe, I read the Bible, and so forth. Now, I am certainly not a saint, as the rest of my story will show.<\/span><\/div>\n
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I met, during a study abroad this year, a stunning young woman  who works for the United Nations. One night, our date over red wine at a cafe quickly escalated into dozens of nights of passionate, indulgent sex, and then into several trips throughout Europe in which we brought our negligent sexual passion into the creaky beds of many hotels. Sex crazed, we were.<\/span><\/div>\n
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Now that I am back in the States for the holidays, free from the physical presence and temptations of the Woman, the big question of our future is at hand. Should we continue or not?  <\/span><\/div>\n
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We have been dating now for five months, and she is wonderful in all things, successful, an excellent conversationalist, and best of all, not a feminist! But, she has no faith, does not go to church, and largely thinks religion is oppressive, and most painfully for me, she does not believe in Christianity. I would also add she is more of an agnostic than a militant atheist, since she believes in some vague afterlife, and respects my religious beliefs. <\/span><\/div>\n
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'Listen to your heart' is what they say, but my heart is confused at the moment, and the damned sex monkey does not help. The Woman is wonderful, but long term speaking, once the infatuation is over through the sobering, cold water of marriage, will religion be the stone upon which we stumble? Will I be happier instead with a practicing Catholic woman? What will my Mexican-Catholic mom say when I bring home a non-believer? She won't like it, that's for sure.<\/span><\/div>\n
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In my opinion, I am skeptical that it will work long term, but she thinks there is no problem. What do you say?<\/span><\/div>\n
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Your question is:  Can the marriage between a non-religious person and a religious person be successful and a happy state of affairs? <\/strong>My answer is: Yes it can, but it is not likely.  And in a matter as important to one's happiness as marriage, and in a social climate as conducive to marital break-up as ours is, it is foolish to take unnecessary risks.  I would say that career and marriage, in that order, are the two most important factors in a person's  happiness.  You are on track for happiness if you can find some occupation that is personally satisfying and modestly remunerative and a  partner with whom you can enjoy an ever-deepening long-term relationship.  Religion lies deep in the religious person; for such a person to have a deep relationship with an irrreligious person is unlikely.  A wise man gambles only with what he can afford to lose; he does not gamble with matters pertaining to his long-term happiness. 
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So careful thought is needed.  Now the organ of thought is the head, not the heart.  And you have heard me say that every man has two heads, a big one and a little one, one for thinking and one for linking.   The wise man thinks with his big head.  Of course, it would be folly to marry a woman to whom one was not strongly sexually attracted, or a woman for whom one did not feel deep affection.  But a worse folly would be allow sex organs and heart to suborn intellect.  By all means listen to your heart, but listen to your (big) head first.  Given how difficult successful marriage is, one ought to put as much as possible on one's side.  Here are some guidelines that you violate at your own risk:<\/span><\/div>\n
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